Josh Klapow , a clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. Think big things like moving, leaving a job, etc. And therein lies the difference. Julie Gurner tells Bustle. Couples who are in love often make sex a priority while also making an effort outside the bedroom , she says. If you catch yourself feeling more like roommates, or complaining to friends that something major is missing in your relationship, Gurner says it may be a sign you're not really in love.
Another way to look at it? Whenever something goes wrong, you turn towards each other instead of away. Another way to tell the difference between having a ton of chemistry and being in love is if you start to lose interest after the infatuation or honeymoon stage of the relationship comes to an end.
In this initial stage, sexual energy runs high, Manly says. Infatuation can turn into romantic, genuine love as time goes on and you get to know one another better. Take note of your word choice when talking about your partner. When you're truly in love, you "become more sensitive and empathetic to this person," relationship expert Dr. When they're happy, you're happy. You can decide you will see their best qualities, appreciate them for who they are, and be a supportive partner to them.
You can also choose to stop loving someone, to walk away and forget about them. Being in love is not a choice. Loving someone means wanting them to do well, being in love means putting them first.
Of course you want the person you love to do well, but are you actually prepared to make the sacrifices necessary to make that happen? Maybe he chips in a little extra for rent while you get through graduate school, or maybe you take extra morning walk shifts with the dog because he loves to sleep in.
Loving someone is fleeting, being in love is forever. Love can literally end at any moment. It stays through the fights, the lulls, and the full blown existential crisis. When the honeymoon phase is over and life gets a little more routine, only the relationship where you are actually in love will be a happy one. Loving someone means needing them around, being in love means needing them to be where they are happy. When you love someone, you always want them to be around. You crave them.
You want them to be with you more than anything. When you are in love, you want them to have a happy balanced life, which means sometimes spending time away from you.
You want them to have time out with the guys, or alone time, or time to pursue some hobbies without you. Loving someone is a rush, being in love is steady stream of emotions. Loving someone can be the greatest high, but it also comes with low lows. You don't need to fix all of your loved one's problems, you just need to be there for the bad times as well as the good. Schedule time to be together frequently.
When you're in love with someone, spending time with them is not a chore or stress. You'll want to be with them, so making time to do activities together is no problem. Find things you love doing together and make time to do them -- the people you love should be a naturally high priority on your schedule. You need to be able to listen and share your thoughts in order to maintain love and trust. Compromise on arguments and decisions.
You are not always right, and neither is your loved one. Being in love is about remembering how important you are together, not always trying to end up on top. While you should stay true to yourself, being in love means taking their point of view into account as well as yours.
What is there side of the story? Is there something you didn't realize? Are you mad because of something that happened, or because you got too caught up in the argument? Do you still love and respect them?
This is more important than a "winner" of any argument. Build trust together. Loving someone requires a degree of vulnerability. You have to be willing to open up about yourself, sharing the good times and asking for support during the bad.
This, though difficult at first, is crucial to having a happy, loving relationship. Trusting each other deepens your bond together and allows you to grow and evolve, and your love will evolve accordingly.
You need to know what your partner wants and needs, and they need to know you, in order to keep your love alive. Be open and honest about your schedule and life. Hiding things often leads to painful reveals later on. Take care of yourself, by maintaining your own life and happiness outside of your loved one.
You need, above all, to take care of yourself in order to take care of someone else. Try not to "lose" yourself by neglecting your friends or old hobbies once you fall in love. Remember, being in love does not mean you do everything together, it means you respect each other for who you are. Some healthy ideas include: Take some occasional time apart-- if you are in love, it will not be destroyed by a few weeks alone.
Hang out with your friends, especially friends from before the relationship began. These friendships are not unimportant now that you're in love. Develop personal hobbies or interests that you can eventually share or use to have "me" time when you need a moment to relax.
Remain affectionate with each other. Just because you've been together for a while does not mean that a hug, a kiss, or a nice letter sent to each other can't keep the bonds of love strong. Remember that love takes effort to maintain, but it shouldn't be hard. Show your love and affection from time to time to keep the love alive. Break up your routines from time to time. Predictability is the bane of many relationships, as you fall into a groove and feel "trapped" or upset.
A degree of surprise is essential to keep your love going strong, but that doesn't mean you need to shake everything up every few months. A few surprises here and there shows that you care enough about each other to spice things up and think about each other. Take a vacation, even if just for a long weekend. Make time to see each other once a week, but make it somewhere new each time. Go to a class or seminar together to pick up a new hobby.
Make new friends by inviting other couples over for drinks or dinner. Start a project together, like a book, garden, painting, etc. Limit any jealous feelings by staying happy for your partner.
It is natural and acceptable to feel jealous at times. However, when one loves another, jealousy doesn't take up too much space in the heart. If the other finds a new romantic partner, gets their dream job, or is a better cook than you, you should take pride in their happiness.
Feelings of anger or jealousy are natural, but they should not overshadow your relationship. A part of you should be genuinely happy for the other one's life successes. Jealousy is actually healthy in small amounts -- it becomes dangerous, however, when it morphs into suspicion.
Method 3. Know that, sometimes, love fades naturally. Not all love can last. Whether it is because you are fighting more often than usual, life moves you apart, or your interests slowly drift away, some couples fall out of love.
The spark cannot stay alive always, and though it hurts to break off a loving relationship, sometimes it is for the best. Know that you should want to spend time together, not feel obligated. Love is not an obligation. You should want to willingly spend free time with someone you love, and if you do not you need to examine why things are different now. Do you just need some time alone, or is there a more serious issue in your relationship?
Everyone has times they hope to be alone, but this is different from constantly ignoring or regretting the time with the one you love. You should never feel exhausted or sad after spending time together. Know that making plans without thinking about your partner is an early sign that you are losing love. This is not about planning what to do for lunch, but bigger life goals. If you begin prioritizing your life without thinking about where your partner fits into the picture, you've lost the feelings of commitment necessary to stay in love.
Being in love with someone means they are on your mind and a part of your foreseeable future.
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